


Broken Fantasy

by Mercy_Rhyne



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Rhyne/pseuds/Mercy_Rhyne
Summary: Warnings: Self-hate/self-deprecation, slight bit of swearing





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Self-hate/self-deprecation, slight bit of swearing

_Worthless, unoriginal, failure._

“How about we do the Seven Second Challenge?” Roman suggested to the other sides. “Thomas could do it, with Joan and Talyn. Or we could all do it for a fun twist. What do you say?:

“Thomas has already done that,” Virgil commented. “Multiple times, even. We need something he hasn’t done before.”

“Precisely,” Logan nodded. “And I do not feel much for doing these silly challenges in only seven seconds.”

Roman nodded as he crossed the idea off his list. Another idea they had tossed to the side. 

“Well, I think it’s a good idea,” Patton tried, looking at the creative side next to him, “but they are right. Thomas has done it before. But it’s still a fun idea to keep in mind!”

“Right.” Roman didn’t look at Patton, he just kept his eyes focussed on the paper in his hand. Most of the ideas he had written on there, had already been crossed out again. The other sides - and especially Logan and Virgil - had turned down every idea he had come up with. Even the ones he had been so enthusiastic about, and to be fair, he was starting to get annoyed by now. He had tried so hard to come up with good ideas and they just tore them down. Every. Single. One. “Well, how about this… we do one of these questions tags on internet? Like the TMI tag- oooh or we can do one of those on Tumblr! Thomas can reblog one of the question tags on there and his followers can send in the questions they want answered and he can answer a bunch of them!”

“Dude, really?” Virgil asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do you really want to do that? Thomas can do that on Tumblr as well, why should he make a video about it?”

“Because it is fun?” Roman retorted before he went to cross out that idea as well. He tried to hide his frustration, but he wasn’t doing a great job. 

“I think Virgil means that it wouldn’t be as… _special_ ,” Patton tried carefully, “he can just do something like it on Tumblr, and maybe it wouldn’t be the best format for a video? That doesn’t mean we can’t do it, though! But maybe it’s better to keep it on Tumblr?”

“Thanks, Patton,” Roman nodded. He didn’t actually meet Patton’s gaze, but he kept his eyes fixed on the paper. That was it. His last idea. And the other had accepted _none_. “Well… that was it. I guess I- eh… I guess I should come up with some new ideas, then. I’ll be back when I’ve got more.”

And without waiting for a response, he sank out. 

_Unimportant, insignificant, unimaginative._

How hard could it be to come up with one good idea that they all loved? As it turned out, really hard, because once again, all of his ideas had been shut down. They didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself. Virgil and Logan were the worst. Because where Patton sugar-coated his critiques and made sure that the prince knew his ideas weren’t _bad_ , just not what they needed, the two other sides did none of that. If they didn’t like an idea, they told him straightaway. It’s not good, it’s not original, we can’t use it. It was as if they didn’t realise that he had feelings too. That their comments _hurt_ him. Was it so difficult for them to _think_ before speaking? Roman had to admit that he might not have done that in the past but… he had changed, he was _trying_ to change. If he could do it, why couldn’t they?

_Unnecessary, meaningless, useless._

He didn’t bother coming up to share his ideas anymore. He couldn’t think of anything anymore. They wouldn’t like it. What was the point if they wouldn’t like it? Why would he even bother? Why even try? 

Every once in a while, an idea would pop up in his mind. Eagerly, he would write it down, only to find out that it wouldn’t be good enough. Logan would think it was too out there, Virgil would think it was too boring, too unoriginal. He would cross it out again, tear the paper in half or throw it across his room. 

What even was the point? If he couldn’t even think of _one_ good idea? He was supposed to be Creativity, the source of good and original ideas. The others were supposed to love his ideas. They were supposed to be creative, not lame attempts at creativity. He wasn’t worthy of the title ‘Creativity’. He wasn’t good enough. Why even bother when all your ideas would be as worthless as his? He knew their ideas weren’t good; the others made it quite clear. So why even try to make something better the next time, right?

 _What even was the fucking point_?

Roman looked up at the many posters on his wall. Disney movies, Harry Potter movies, musicals. They were all there. He used to love looking at them so much. It was a comfort to him to look at the familiar faces on the walls. But now, they seemed to be taunting him. At least their creators _had_ been able to come up with a good idea. At least they were successful. Unlike him. He was just a failure. A pathetic excuse for creativity. A pitiful attempt at originality. 

He felt tears burning in his eyes as he realised this. He was so worthless. Why couldn’t he come up with _one_ good idea? That would be enough for the others to accept him again, right?

He tried, he really did. But he got nothing. No matter how hard he tried. The prince groaned. As he looked up, the faces of Harry, Ron and Hermione were looking at him. _Mocking_ him. Loser, piece of trash, failure. Thomas would be better off without you. Useless piece of trash. 

Roman had had enough. He couldn’t take it. He knew he would regret this later, but right now, he didn’t care. He got up in frustration and lunged at the poster in front of him. He stabbed the sword at the three teens in front of him. He hit the wall, but he couldn"t care less. If only they’d stop taunting him. Roman pulled the sword down a little, creating a wobbly slash across the paper of the poster. The sword fell down next to him as he desperately grabbed the small whole the weapon had created and he pulled at the poster, tearing it in half. The two pieces still stuck to the wall with the blu-tackhe had used. The lower half now hung down sadly, lifeless. As Roman released the poster from his grip, he fell to his knees as a chokes up sob left his throat. He was a failure. An idiot. _Worthless._

* * *

Over the days that followed, Thomas kept trying to come up with videos. He tried his best, but it was like his creativity wasn’t even there!

Wait…

It wasn’t…

_There._

That was it!

“Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil, could you come up here please?” Thomas called out into… nothing, really. Just a few seconds later, three of the four sides popped up around him. Only, someone was missing. 

It was the prince. 

Just like Thomas had expected, Roman did not answer to his call. The man looked at the side’s usual corner, half expecting the prince to pop up after all with a witty remark or a reference. The other three sides noticed this behaviour and they stared at the empty corner as well. But no Roman came in. 

“Okay guys… what’s going on?” Thomas asked after a short silence no one had wanted to break. “I haven’t had a proper video idea in ages. Is… something going on with Roman?”

“Well, I do believe he has been struggling for ideas lately,” Logan answered, turning his head to Thomas. “And he has been quite aloof lately but I must say that’s all I noticed.”

“Now, are you sure that is all?” Patton asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He looked Logan straight in the eyes, his mouth curled into a frown. It was the total opposite of his usual, bubbly appearance. 

“What do you mean, Patton?” Logan inquired.

“You and Virgil have been shooting down all his ideas in the past week,” Patton explained frustratedly, his hand gesturing in the direction of the empty corner where Roman usually stood. “You criticized everything he came up with without even taking his feeling into account. Of course he wouldn’t want to share his ideas anymore.”

“What- what are you…”

“You know what I’m talking about, Logan,” Patton interrupted. There was something in his voice some… vulnerability that made this whole ordeal worse. It wasn’t a lecture, Patton was _disappointed_ that the two sides had acted the way they had, ignoring not only the signs of Roman’s hurt feelings, but also Patton’s warnings. Sure, when he drew their attention to their behaviour, they would change it, but the next day, it would all be forgotten again. And Patton hated seeing it. “You can’t convince me you don’t know. I’ve talked about this before.”

Virgil looked at the ground, his fingers toying with the zips on his sleeves. This really felt like one of those ‘I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed’-lectures and he hated it. He hated it because he knew Patton was right. He hated it because it made him realise he had done to Roman what Roman had done to him. He hated it because he remembered how much he was hurting back then. But most of all, he hated it because it was _Patton_ talking here. His best friend Patton who would do anything to help him, who _he_ would do anything for. That same guy was lecturing him about what they had done. And he knew it was justified. He had loathed Roman for bringing him down the way he did and now… now he was no better than Roman had been. If anything, he was even worse.

“Wait, is this true? Is that what’s going on?” Thomas asked, looking at the three sides around him. He had no idea what had happened in the mindscape, but if what Patton said was even close to the truth, they’d have a big problem to fix.

“I think we should go to Roman’s room,” Virgil said suddenly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think Patton is right and… we… we need to talk to him about this whole… _thing_.”

“Yeah, you do,” Patton nodded sternly. It was so weird to hear Patton like this. He hardly acted like this with all of them there. Something must have happened. 

“Can someone please explain what’s happened?” Thomas tried once more. “What’s been going on?”

“Well,” Patton hesitated as he snuck a few glances at the two other sides, “I think it started after the Christmas video. Roman has been acting weird ever since. And lately, he’s been struggling to come up with ideas… mostly because most of his ideas get turned down. I think that’s been really though on him.” 

“This has been going on since _Christmas_?” Thomas asked incredulously. “That’s been weeks! Why am I only hearing about this now?”

Patton shrugged and turned to the two remaining sides for answers. He wanted to know the answer to that question himself. He had brought the issue up to them multiple times, but neither Logan nor Virgil seemed to actually realise the severity of it. Sure, when Patton mentioned it, they promised they’d watch what they said, but it was as if they thought that Roman would be able to take it. Granted, he did act like their comments never hurt him, but Patton saw something behind his façade. The same pain he had seen in Virgil’s eyes. 

“I wasn’t thinking, I think,” Virgil said. “I don’t know, I fucked up, okay? We both did. But we’re not going to solve anything by discussing this here, so are we going to his room or not?”

“We’re going down there,” Patton agreed. “And you guys _need_ to apologize to Roman.”

“Sure thing, _dad_ ,” Virgil said. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The three sides all looked at Thomas expectantly. The man closed his eyes. Roman was the creative side so Thomas tried thinking creative thoughts. Thoughts of Disney, musicals and performances filled his mind and he could feel himself getting weightless for a few moments. It was as if he faded out of existence, dissipating into nothingness. And when he opened his eyes, Thomas expected himself to be standing in some sort of Disney Valhalla. He didn’t know exactly what he was expecting. Countless posters, all his acting awards on a shelf maybe, playbills, merchandise. Maybe some decorative statues or plants? Maybe Thomas had expected a gorgeous room, much like a room in a castle or palace would look like, with marble pillars and large windows, rich decorations and a huge chandelier in the middle of the ceiling with shards of glass in many colours, making the room look like a work of art. But what he actually saw, was a little… disappointing. 

Disappointing and unsettling. 

The room, like both rooms Thomas had visited before, looked like his living room. Only this room was practically empty, void of any furniture or decorations. Thomas could see small scraps of paper stuck to the wall where a poster had been ripped off the wall. He could see a total of five posters still on the walls, but they had been slashed and stabbed by the prince’s sword. Some had been torn apart - by his own hands it seemed. The room even seemed colder than his own living room.

“ _This_ is Roman’s room?” Thomas asked in surprise. “This is not at all what I had expected.”

As Thomas spoke, his eyes were drawn to a poster in front of him. He knew it was a poster for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. But only because he had seen it so often. The poster itself was almost unrecognizable. The poster had been slashed in half, the bottom halfhanging down sadly, leaving only the trio’s faces to be seen. Harry’s face had been stabbed too, tearing the paper. It was oddly disturbing. 

Patton had wandered over to something red in the far corner of the room. He picked it up and frowned as he studied the smooth fabric in his hands. It had been broken as Roman had torn it away from his body, tossing it aside without looking back at it. It was his sash. 

There was something disquieting about seeing the sash on the ground, tossed aside without a second thought. It had always been a part of Roman’s outfit, the bright red colour of the fabric making him stand out even more, contrasting the white and black of his clothing. By ripping away the sash, it was as if Roman had torn away a part of himself. As if he wasn’t worthy of it. 

“Guys,” Virgil’s voice pulled the two away from their thoughts and the two of them turned to the anxious side, who had walked to something in another corner of the room, but his body hid it from Thomas’ sight. He sat on his knees, holding something in his hands. “You might want to take a look at this.” 

Thomas walked over to where Virgil sat, followed closely by Patton, who still clutched the red sash in his two hands. 

“What is that?” Patton asked as he came to a halt behind the younger side. Soon enough, Thomas caught up to them. In front of him, he saw a small, red bin. It was filled to the brim with crumpled up papers. In fact, it was so full that a bunch of the papers didn’t even fit anymore. 

“His ideas, I think,” Virgil said, as he stared at the paper he held in his hands. “Look at this: _'Cartoon Therapy: Dot and Larry’_ the next bit is illegible, but I can see… I think it’s _Star vs the Forces of Evil_? I don’t know, it looks like it. I think these things were his ideas.”

“Why would he do this?” Thomas frowned as he picked up another piece of paper. He unfolded it and attempted to read the text on it. But everything had been crossed out to forcefully that the pen had ripped through the paper. Thomas could not make out a single word. His heart sank. Roman must have felt so lost, so… forlorn. He couldn’t imagine what must have been going on in the prince’s head. It was horrible. 

Meanwhile, Logan was eyeing something much, much bigger. He had looked around and behind them, he noticed something that unsettled him more than anything else in the room. 

“I think we might have a bigger problem at hand,” he stated monotonously as he looked at the picture in front of him. Thomas, Virgil and Patton looked up at the sound of his voice. Patton gasped when he saw what the logical side meant. They were looking at a mirror. A huge, ornate mirror on the wall. A mirror that would have been beautiful if it hadn’t been destroyed almost completely. The wooden frame had been slashed and chipped \- by Roman’s sword, they reasoned. The dark wood had been so gorgeous, the design so intricate, but it had been ruined by the prince’s weapon. Pieces had been cut off or completely destroyed by scratches and cuts. But that wasn’t all. Of course it wasn’t all.

What was even worse, was the mirror itself. It was completely shattered. The ground around it was littered with shards of the glass, some just tiny strips of glass, others big and pointed. You could see several marks of impact, where something had made contact with the mirror. Most likely a fist, Logan reasoned. 

But there was one thing that stood out. Literally. 

In the middle of the mirror, at eye level, he saw Roman’s sword sticking out of the mirror. 

  


Right between the eyes. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: swearing, blood, some arguing, self-deprecation/self-hate. I think that’s it, but let me know if I missed anything!

“What the fuck,” Virgil breathed as he eyed the mirror in front of him. “That is messed up.”

“I had no idea that our words would impact him this severely,” Logan spoke up. “I never would have guessed this would have happened. We need to talk to Roman.”

“Yeah, but… where is he?” Thomas asked as he looked around. The regal side was nowhere to be seen. 

“I think he’s just hiding,” Virgil said, before continuing, raising his voice a little: “He should be able to hear us, though, so Roman, please… come up here, we need to talk?”

The four waited for a few moments, awaiting the arrival of the prince. They waited and waited and just before they were about to give up, they heard a soft whooshing sound. 

“What are you doing here?” said a monotonous voice behind the four. They all spun around to be faced with Roman. At least, what was left of the prince they knew. He looked nothing like his usual self. His arms hung at his sides limply, his shoulders curved forwards ever so slightly. Roman hadn’t even bothered to tidy his hair, causing it to look like a purple bird’s nest. His clothes were crinkled and his shirt was stained with small red and brown spots. His face was covered in little smears of blood. For a few moments, Patton feared that he had cut his face, but almost immediately, he saw the true source of the blood. The prince’s hands were cut and bloody. Even now, dark red liquid dripped from his scraped knuckles, down his fingers and onto the floor, leaving a deep red stain. Patton reasoned that his bloodied fingers had been the source of the blood on his face, leaving their marks as Roman rubbed his eyes, wiping the tears away, or as he pushed the hair our of his face. But what worried the moral side more than the blood that stained the carpet, was the fact that Roman hadn’t even bothered to clean and bandage the cuts on his hands. “Listen, if you guys came here to mock me even more, I suggest you leave. I have nothing new and quite frankly, I don’t want to deal with you right now.” After those words, Roman crossed his arms in front of his chest, staining the sleeves of his white shirt with deep red. 

“Roman, let me see your hands,” Patton said softly, taking a few steps forwards. He dropped the red sash in his hands as he stared at Roman’s hands.

“What?” 

“Let me see your hands.” Roman raised an eyebrow but allowed the moral side to take the prince’s right hand into his own. He frowned as he studied Roman’s hand - specifically his knuckles and fingers. They were covered in cuts, ranging from small, shallow cuts that were hardly deep enough to draw blood, to long and deep cuts caused by the larger shards that had embedded themselves in his skin. 

“Goodness, Roman,” Patton gasped. He couldn’t take his eyes off of what he saw before him. He couldn’t believe that Roman would do this to himself. 

“It’s nothing, Patton,” the prince snapped, pulling his hand away from Patton’s grip. 

“Nothing?” Patton repeated in disbelief. “You can’t tell me that’s nothing, Ro! Have you looked at your hands?”

“More than enough, Patton, but thanks for pointing that out,” Roman said coldly. “Now, did you come here to gawk at me or is there an actual reason for this… pleasant surprise?”

“No, we’re here because we all need to apologise, right?” Patton said, looking back at the three next to him. They all nodded and mumbled their agreements, all of them distraught by what they had encountered in the prince’s room. 

“Well, I don’t need your pity,” Roman spat, avoiding eye contact with any of the others present in the room. “I can handle myself just fine.”

“Are you sure?” Patton asked, looking at his surroundings. “You would call _this_ ‘handling yourself just fine’? Because I don’t buy that at all. And we’re not here because we pitied you, they actually want to apologise.”

“Well, then let them do the talking instead of talking for them,” the creative side retorted. “I want to hear it from them, I don’t want to hear it from you talking in their place.”

“You’re right,” Patton nodded. He took a step to the side so he could look at the three men behind him, silently urging for them to start talking. None of them really wanted to be the first. Of course, all of them felt bad for what they did, especially after seeing the state of his room. Because how does one make up for making one feel so horrible that they would do something like this?

“Listen, if no one is going to talk, I’ve got… stuff to do,” Roman finally broke the awkward silence, looking at his hands as he spoke. Virgil took a deep breath and stepped forwards.

“Roman, listen… I’m sorry,” the side hesitated. He briefly looked at Roman, but looked down again as he saw the prince’s eyes fixed on his. “I really am. Your ideas weren’t… _bad_ , I guess- I guess it’s just… it’s just that most of your ideas are quite… _out there_ and I’m- I’m not too comfortable with that. But I didn’t realise that it could hurt you - I should have realised it. Especially me. I should have been more careful with my words. It would be unfair to expect you to think of my feelings while I’d be allowed to say anything I wanted, that wouldn’t be just. I don’t want you having to walk on eggshells around me while I go and crush all of them. I… I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate your apologies Virgil,” Roman said softly and even though his mouth formed a small smile, his eyes missed a certain glimmer.“Thank you.”

Virgil noticed that Roman hadn’t accepted his apologies. But he didn’t mind. He wasn’t obliged to accept. To be fair, Virgil wouldn’t have done it himself. He understood that he had hurt Roman’s feelings, and he should have been more careful with what he said. The anxious side smiled carefully at the prince. 

“No… no problem.”

“I owe you an apology as well, Roman,” Logan chimed in. “I should have considered your feelings too. Even though I might not be as in touch with my emotions as you are, I should have realised that saying the things I did would hurt you. There is no appropriate excuse for my behaviour, but I do apologize. I know that mere words cannot make up for what I said to you, but nonetheless, I hope you will be able to accept my apology. Maybe not immediately, but sometime.”

“Thank you, Logan,” Roman nodded. “I really do appreciate it.”

Logan nodded with a weak smile and an awkward silence fell again. Patton slowly turned to Thomas, shooting him a telling look. 

“What, do I need to apologize?” Thomas asked. “I didn’t even get to hear any of his ideas, I didn’t know this was happening!”

“Did you forget the Christmas video?” Patton questioned. Even though his tone was light, Thomas heard a sharp edge to it. “Because I do, and I don’t think you were all praise and happiness back then.” 

Thomas looked at Patton for a few moments, startled by the side’s sudden gravity. He wasn’t used to this. Not coming from Patton. But he knew the moral side was right. He wasn’t without blame either, and he had to apologize to Roman as well. 

“You’re right,” he nodded before he turned to the prince. “Roman, I’m really sorry too. I may not have criticized your ideas \- not directly, at least - but I did hurt your feelings. I criticized the song you wrote, the song you put effort and time into, and that was wrong. I should have never done it the way I did. Even if you’re a part of myself, I should take your feelings into account and I didn’t. I’m really, really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Roman dismissed coldly. He knew it wasn’t fine. The others knew it. And he knew that they knew. But there was no way in hell he would accept their apologies. Not yet, anyways. They had hurt him. More than just a little. And he was not ready to forgive them yet. 

“No, it’s not,” Thomas started. He opened his mouth, preparing to continue, but he was cut off by Patton. 

“You know it’s not, Roman,” the moral trait said. He crouched to pick up the red sash he had dropped and he turned back to the prince. His fingers left vague smears of blood on the fabric, but he didn’t notice. “And I’m sorry too, I should have done more to-”

“It’s not your fault, Patton,” Roman interrupted softly. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly!” Patton exclaimed, a little too loudly, making the prince flinch ever so slightly. “I’m sorry. What I wanted to say, is that I didn’t do anything. But I should have. I should have done more, I should have tried to talk to the others about what they were doing to you more often, I should have made sure they understood exactly what was happening, but I didn’t.”

“Patton, it’s not your fault,” the prince repeated. “You don’t have to apologize.”

The moral side looked down. He didn’t want to believe Roman’s words. Because if it wasn’t his fault, then why did he feel so guilty? Why would he feel this way if he had done nothing wrong? It didn’t make any sense. Of course he was to blame, they all were. But Roman would not accept Patton’s apologies, and so the other side did not try to apologize again, even if every part of his consciousness was yelling at him to try again, to keep trying until Roman accepted it. The five of them remained quiet until Patton finally broke the silence. 

“Roman,” he started tentatively, “why did you do this?”

“What do you mean?” Roman asked, not daring to meet Patton’s eyes. He knew Patton was hurt to see all of this. He heard it in his voice. He didn’t have to see it in his eyes as well. That would be too much for him to handle. He couldn’t bare to see Patton hurt in any way. Especially not if he knew he was the source of it all. 

“Your room.” Patton said. He hesitated slightly before he continued. “I know this isn’t what it’s usually like. Why have you done this?”

“I don’t know,” Roman shrugged. That was a lie. He knew. Of course he knew why he had done it, but he didn’t want to admit that to Patton. Especially not with the others around. He was… he was embarrassed to admit that he let his feelings take control of him. That he could not stop himself from slashing at the posters in frustrated sadness. He didn’t want to tell them. “I think I was… frustrated and… upset. And the posters, they were- they were just… _there_ and it reminded me that I’m not worth any of this, and-”

“Wait a second,” Patton interrupted quickly, his voice much sharper than before, but at the same time, it was as soft as ever. “Why aren’t you worth it?”

“Come on Patton, I haven’t come up with a good idea since Christmas!” Roman retorted, getting more and more frustrated every passing second. He didn’t want to be discussing this. Not with the others right there, not while he could sit here on his own, drowning in his own thoughts. He knew that that wasn’t exactly ideal, but honestly, it was better than this. Anything was better than this. If only he could escape this mess and leave the others behind him. 

“That’s not true!” Patton exclaimed, his soft voice returning. He reached out to grab Roman’s hands, but stopped himself as soon as he remembered how they had been injured. Instead, he put one hand on Roman’s shoulder, looking at him hopefully. 

“No, it is,” Roman countered as he carefully pushed Patton’s hand away. He didn’t want Patton touching him like this. He didn’t deserve it. They had been right after all, he couldn’t do anything right. The only thing he was good at, was coming up with ideas. And he even failed at that. If he couldn’t even do something as easy as that, then what could he do? “If I had any good ideas, we’d have executed them, instead of shooting them down.”

Patton took a few moments to thing of something to say in response to this comment. Even he hadn’t realised just how deeply this had hurt the other side. Sure, he knew it had hurt, but only now he saw just how much it had affected Roman. Patton tried to think of anything that could reassure Roman, but nothing he came up with was good enough. Nothing he came up with seemed to satisfy him. He knew that Roman could counter everything he wanted to say with a new argument. 

“Roman,” Patton pleaded softly, “that’s not true, trust me!” He looked back to the other sides and Thomas, hoping they would be able to help him out here. Hoping that they would know what to say to make Roman see that they _needed_ him. 

“Patton is right, Roman,” Logan spoke eventually. “You were never the problem here. We were. We shouldn’t have judged your ideas so harshly. You see, you are always present in Thomas. In nearly everything he does. Even the smaller things. You are the reason he enjoys watching Disney and miscellaneous cartoons. You are the reason he enjoys making videos and enjoys performing. If he signs up for auditions, it is you who told him to. All ideas for his videos came from you, you are the one who kept him going after so many auditions, pushing him to pursue his dreams! You are the reason behind so many things Thomas had achieved!”

“Logan has a point,” Thomas added. “I don’t know what you came up with these past few weeks, but you have thought of so many great things in the past! It’s okay if you have a creative block every now and again, because I know you can come up with another amazing idea any time. When I was younger, you created these amazing worlds, inspiring me to actually _do_ something with my life. You were the one who inspired and motivated me to start making videos on Vine and eventually YouTube! You came up with Ultimate Storytime and so many of my videos! You are such an important part of me and I can’t expect you to be able to come up with something any time of the day. You can have an off day - maybe even more than a day. That is okay. It means nothing. We all have bad days, it is unfair to yourself to expect yourself to be able to do what you do every single day.”

“Without you, life wouldn’t be the same,” Virgil said, shifting uncomfortably, “your ideas are not bad, not at all! None of us would be able to come up with anything that could ever match your ideas. I should have realised that before judging you. I should have been more careful, but I just never realised it. I should have. I guess we both misjudged each other.”

“You have never been the problem here,” Logan said one more time. He remained silent for a few seconds, as if he had to muster up the strength to continue talking. “We were.”

Patton turned back to Roman with a hopeful smile. 

“See?” he tried for the last time. “Roman, please. We were wrong, but we all see that now. You are indispensable, just like the rest of us. Please, we need you back!”

Tentatively, he held out the torn sash to the prince, smiling carefully. Roman looked at the piece of fabric before him. His eyes shot to Patton, Virgil, Logan, Thomas and back to Patton and the sash in his hands. He looked at Patton and noticed the glimmer of hope in his deep brown eyes. He turned to Virgil to see guilt, hurt and curiosity written on his face, even though he tried to hide it. His eyes shot to Logan, who tried to look as indifferent as possible, but he too seemed to be awaiting the prince’s next move with guilt hidden in his eyes. Thomas was mostly confused, but hurt and even he had guilt and curiosity written on his face.

Then, Roman turned his eyes back to the sash. The bright red sash. It seemed so unfitting for him right now. It didn’t match his mood at all. It was a sash that belonged to a prince, royalty that was actually worth something. Who could actually achieve something. And that royal wasn’t him. Not right now. But, as Roman looked into Patton’s eyes one last time, he saw something he couldn’t say no to. There was a sparkle of hope, of innocence, pure _Patton_ that he couldn’t resist. So he grabbed the sash, staining it with more specks of dark red. It felt wrong to clutch the smooth fabric in his hand, but Patton looked so happy to see this small gesture that Roman couldn’t let go anymore. Even Thomas and the other sides smiled carefully. The sash had been torn, so Roman did what he could to tie it around his shoulder. It was sloppy and it didn’t look nearly as amazing as it usually did, but it was something. It made the others believe that maybe, they could go back to normal again. 

“Look, this doesn’t mean anything, okay?” Roman said as he looked at the hopeful looks on their faces. “And it doesn’t make up for what you did, I want that to be clear. I can’t- you really hurt me, alright? It’s not easy to move past that.”

“You don’t need to,” Patton said softly. “I think… we’ll give you some space, alright? You just… take care of your hands… and yourself. Just come back up if you’ve got an idea. And don’t be too hard on yourself, we want to hear _everything_ you think of, okay, kiddo?”

“Sure,” Roman nodded, looking down at his feet. “Thanks Patton.”

“No problem,” the moral side smiled. “We’re here for you, kiddo. Hang in there.” 

After Thomas and the three sides had left, Roman went to his own bathroom to bandage the cuts on his hands. Their words still echoed in his mind. He couldn’t help but feel like they were lying to him. Like they had said everything they did just so he would come back to them. So Thomas could go on with his YouTube career. But they wouldn’t do that, would they?

The prince sighed as he cleaned the cuts. It stung, but he was used to it by now. And, in a strange way, he found some sort of comfort in the stinging sensation on his hands. It was weirdly comforting, though he couldn’t explain why. 

When he was all done cleaning the cuts, Roman finally bandaged them and he looked up to see his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He was so tempted to smash this one as well. He looked horrible. Of course, he knew this but seeing it was nowhere the same as just knowing it. Seeing it was _worse_. Roman had grown to loathe the sight of his own face. It reminded him of everything he was meant to be and everything he couldn’t be. Everything he wasn’t. 

But instead of turning his head away, he looked at himself in the mirror and managed a small smile. He knew things could be better. As long as he believed in himself, things _would_ get better. 


End file.
